and you rip out all I have just to say that you've won;

[hetero]

[ It's Valentine's Day and Dean is on Cas' doorstep, taking a moment to compose himself into the cool kid everyone knows and loves. He pops his dad's leather jacket's collar up; it's too big for him, but it's obvious he's trying hard to fill it.

There's no reason to be nervous. They're friends and they've always been friends. So he finally knocks on the door. ]

Comments

[hetero]

No. Fuck, she'd probably kill me. Or get the rest of your family to do it. Have you noticed that your family is insane? [ He shudders somewhat because he can judge other families yes. ]

I mean, Gabe's bad enough, always pranking me and Sammy like a little shit, but have you seen the way Michael looks at me? I swear I've seen him checking out my body more than once.

[deism]

So it's our secret. [ considering it, and giving the equivalent of a shrug without actually shrugging with his eyes ]

Will you tell Sam?

[hetero]

'course not--what are you so desperate to tell?

[deism]

Because I am happy.

[ this time actually do a small half-shrug and patting dean's hand reassuringly ]

[hetero]

[ He takes in a sharp breath and glances over to him, a bit disbelieving, before looking back to the road. He has a hard time thinking he could actually make someone happy just through this, but it's not like he ever really doubted that Cas was telling the truth. ]

Oh. [ He's happy, too, but he finds he can't readily admit that. So he just smiles wider. ] What, that I just gave you the best kiss of your life or that I'm gonna feel you up?

[deism]

[ he seriously considers the question with a soft frown. ] I am happy about both. It is difficult to say which I like more without the experience.

But I am happiest with you. [ if that strange feeling in him was considered happiness. he still had a lot to learn. ]

[hetero]

[ He bites the inside of his cheek and squeezes Cas' hand harder. For all of his self-hate, he believes Cas and it makes him feel horribly girly and vulnerable. But it doesn't matter at the moment because he knows he can trust Cas more than anyone else. ]

Yeah, I... with... you... [ He clears his throat and speeds up a bit, eventually turning in to a clearing in a forest. The lake it borders isn't far off, and the dock (which Dean always thought would be perfect for fishing if he knew how to fish) is sturdy and inviting. He thinks it looks perfect during sunset, and it's the place where he feels most peaceful. ]

[deism]

This would be a nice place to fish. [ he doesn't expect dean to finish his sentence. he knew what dean meant, or assumed the minimum. and that was dean, with him, was something or other, and that was acceptable. he straightens up to look outside the front window. ]

Would you like to take a walk?

[hetero]

[ He smiles at that, and runs a thumb over Cas' hand before getting out of the car. ]

Do you know how to fish? [ He stretches and starts walking closer to he lake, in a silent answer to Cas' question. ]

[deism]

[ he walks after him very casually, hands stuffed into the pockets of his dirty trenchcoat as he gazes at the lake peacefully, like he hadn't just been macking with his bff ]

No. But I have heard it was very relaxing.

[hetero]

We can try it sometime. [ He pauses in his steps for a moment, to let Cas catch up with him, so that they can walk closer to together. ]

You know, this is pretty much my favorite place. I'm always so busy that I don't get to come here a lot, though. I don't really tell people about it 'cause I know they'll just ruin it, but... [ He decides to let Cas figure out what he is trying to say. ]

[deism]

You accidentally drove here?

[hetero]

Goddammit, Cas. You just want me to say it, right? Well, screw you. [ He huffs but does not make any attempt to move away from Cas. He simply avoids looking at him by staring at the lake. ]

[deism]

Please do.

[ but he looks highly smug and amused, stepping comfortably into the uncomfortable personal space ]

[hetero]

[ He stops in his tracks and looks back over to him, still not moving away. ]

Are you really the same dude who freezes up in front of women? ... Did I do this? Is my tongue that powerful?

[deism]

[ just a secretive, small smile, as he looks back to the lake ]

Was today pleasant for you?

[hetero]

[ It takes him a moment to get over his shock, but he also looks out over the lake, his hand reaching for Cas'. ]

A lot better than I thought it would be, that's for sure. I wasn't exactly planning on getting this far, just so you know, you're just frustrating as hell. Sometimes I gotta wonder how much you know already, and not just in a nerdy way.

[deism]

I do not know everything. You expect too much from me.

[ but he squints against the way the sun reflects from the waves, not bothering to shade his eyes with his hand ] But you only need ask.

[hetero]

[ Instead of blinding himself like he assumes Cas is trying to do, he turns his head to him and leans down slightly, so that his breath brushes against his neck. ]

Did you know this was a date?

[deism]

No.

Should I have? [ the last question is added with a bit of earnest curiosity, if there had been tell-tale signs of social courtship. ]

[hetero]

Well, I was taking you out on Valentine's Day. To your favorite restaurant, where I held your hand, and then groped your thigh in the car. [ He laughs lightly. ] But I didn't expect you to.

[ There's a moment where he's silent. He always has a lot of questions for Cas, because he just can't get him, but he never thinks it's important enough to ask. Cas was Cas and he probably wouldn't give a helpful answer anyway. ] You know, you coulda just told me that you were gay. I would've stopped trying to set you up with women.

[deism]

I didn't know it was Valentine's Day. [ a slight reprimand. he expected dean to at least tell him about the relevant holidays when they arrived, but he was in a forgiving and less petulant mood. ] And I saw nothing irregular about your actions.

However, sexuality is... different. [ it was hard to describe it to dean, except maybe ] It has always been you.

[hetero]

[ He pulls away slightly, just to look Cas in the eye. He doesn't get it. ]

Huh? Just me? [ He looks like he has more to ask, but he's not even sure if he's understanding properly at the moment. ]

[deism]

Just? [ he does not understand that reference question. ]

Are you upset?

[hetero]

... No, but... I mean, how long? If you woulda said something, I'd have stopped telling you about my dates... [ He looks guilty, because he didn't know. He just chalked everything up to Cas being weird. ]