babbies | and you rip out all I have just to say that you've won;

[ And Dean's face does relax and he starts to talk about Sam.] He's great. Been asking me about girls lately, I couldn't be prouder. [ The pride in his face is more of a father's pride than an older brother's, but after a moment he remembers exactly what he's trying to do. ]

Cas--don't talk about Sam right now. [ He bites his lip out of nervousness as he moves his hand to Cas' thigh. He wonders how much it'll take to get his point through. ]

Why not?

I like hearing about him. [ he was glad that sam was doing well. even though he wasn't the closest to sam, sam was a good friend. he wouldn't want to see sam grow up to be a drug addict. he also thought sam had a lot of potential as a scholar. he frowned slightly at dean's rebuke, and leaned closer, putting his hand firmly on dean's knee. ]

[ He opens his mouth to respond, but when Cas leans closer, he figures it's not worth it anyway. Cas would just keep going on and on about Sam because he liked to ruin the moment without realizing it. But he's tired of waiting, so he leans forward to place his lips on Cas'. He's nervous, but the kiss is hard and direct because he's sure that's the only way to get the point across. ]

[ he freezes for a moment, and then yanks himself back so far that he hits his head against the window. he lands with a hard thunk, but he's breathing heavily and staring at dean with wide open eyes, gripping at the seat and the dash until his knuckles turn white. ]

[ Dean's also surprised because--well, he doesn't know why. Of course Cas wouldn't like it, of course he'd move away, of course Cas didn't like him like that, and of course Dean just ruined it. It was simple, and he'd expected it, so he doesn't know why he feels hurt about it. ]

Sorry, I... [ He doesn't have an excuse and bites the inside of his cheek before moving a hand up to Cas' head. It sounded like it hurt. ]

You OK?

[ he breathes unevenly for a moment, as if unable to even close his eyes. he watches him nervously, and then finally tries to talk. he doesn't understand. he knew dean liked girls. dean liked anna. was this another social ritual he hadn't read about? it had been unexpected, and his heart was beating faster than when he thought he had missed a sale on burgers.

he flinches slightly when dean's hand brushes against the bump on his head, but he stares at him, focused on his eyes. ]

I don't understand.

[ Dean, for once, finds it hard to look him in the eye. He looks anywhere but Cas, mainly at the seat they were both leaning on. He feels guilty, for surprising Cas and most likely making their friendship awkward until they eventually stop hanging around each other. ]

For such a nerd, you're really stupid. [ What was the point of insulting Cas at a moment like this? He didn't know, but it was what came out. ] I've been... I... just wanted to. I've been wanting to. For a while. [ It's not the most coherent of him, but he's not sure how to explain it without outright saying it and that is off the table. ]

Why? [ he swallow deeply once, twice, and tries to regain his focus. for such an accomplished scholar, who knew more things by the book than most people could learn in a lifetime, his question had come out hoarse, whispered, raw, and like a child.

it takes a while, but he manages to draw in his startled look into a more studious one. he's far from complacent, but he has to think about it logically. it was just very hard to think about things logically when it came to dean. ]

[ He sighs, not from exasperation, but like he's been holding in a big breath. He doesn't know how to respond, because he's not horribly sure of himself. He knows very well that he likes Cas, similar to the way he feels towards girls but different at the same time, and that's what's hard to explain. ]

I feel different around you. Weird. Not like how I feel around other guys, definitely.

Do you like me? [ he squares off his jaw. he stops, and tries to think. but dean always knew how to catch him off guard. what would it mean if dean liked him? did dean even like him? he had never seen any signs about it. was this a joke? had he missed the punchline? ]

[ Again, he takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes for a few good moments. It's hard for him to say, really. He hates talking about feelings more than anything, and that was a part of why he never actually had long-term relationships past a failed one long ago. ]

Yeah. I do. [ His voice is quiet and a little weak, but full of honesty. ] Not just... as friends.

[ it felt like he had been walking down the street, but he had missed a step and now everything was a little bit different. it wasn't bad, but it was strange, and he licked his lips nervously, without thinking. he had never thought about dean having romantic interests in him. on his part, of course he liked dean. of course he loved dean. but it was all very difficult, and he scrunched up his fingers in his palm. ]

Is that why we're here? [ on today, on valentine's day. ] Did you want to get laid tonight?

[ He chokes on nothing in particular, and there seems to be panic in his eyes. He never expected anything out of Cas, even getting this far, but that doesn't stop his face at heating up from the thought. Which only upset him more, because since when did he get embarrassed about sex? ]

No! No, I just... I wanted to take you out. I... [ He looks away, frowning. ] I wanted to see you enjoy it.

I enjoyed it. [ he regained some of his composure, and even if the things in his head were still muddled up and in all the wrong places, he was at least breathing easier. he settled back down in his seat, careful not to rest his head on the seat. instead, he smoothed down his coat, looking distantly at his hands like they were lightyears away. ]

I liked the burgers.

[ He smiles at that, not as wide as usual, but he is honestly pleased that he had given Cas a somewhat good day. It was the purpose of this entire thing, after all. He doesn't move away from Cas yet, because he hasn't been told to. ]

We can continue. If you'll tell me where you wanna go next.

[ he studied him curiously for a moment. given dean appeared nervous a moment ago, he was faintly surprised to see him recover so quickly. then again, it was a foolish move to underestimate him. at any rate, it seemed like dean wanted to continue, and it was easier to do things as he wanted. ]

I don't mind continuing. [ he leaned forward and kissed him, though this time, he was careful and conservative in his motions. ]

[ He's surprised and confused at first--he assumed Cas was just letting him off easy before. Of course, he wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth like this, so he abandons the idea of starting off elsewhere in favor of closing his eyes and responding to the kiss. He tries to be as careful as Cas so as not to scare him away, but his habit of strong and rapid kissing quickly set in without him thinking. ]

[ of course dean would be fast, and he doesn't mind it. but he also refuses to quicken his own pace for him, instead kissing him calmly and smoothly, taking the time to try and settle his own thoughts like they were ruffled feathers.

he analytically considered the kiss as nice. he liked being liked. it was a good feeling, a warm one inside him that was altogether strange and weird and he liked it. and of course he loved dean. but to put them together was something strange. but if it made dean happy, then he didn't mind. ]

[ Dean finds it hard to slow down, almost like he's scared of it. If it was slow, there would have been much more affection in it, much more thought. Not only is it weird for him to like a guy, but for him to like someone so much altogether.

In order to come to terms with the fact that he just really likes Cas, he becomes more leisurely with the kiss, nibbling slightly on Cas' bottom lip to try to make it casual. ]

[ he cocks his head curiously at that, almost bumping their noses together. he isn't very used to kissing, given his uptight upbringing combined with an apparent insensitivity to the cultural world. but after a scientific analysis, he think it feels pleasant, and he nudges forward until his knees brush against the radio to try and nibble back experimentally. his movements are careful, but still clumsy from inexperience. ]

[ He puts his hands on Cas' shoulders, as if trying to steady him into the kiss. He knew when he started thinking about it, that Cas would be completely inexperienced when it came to romance, and he found that he didn't completely mind. He'd teach Cas exactly what to do if necessary. He starts by, of course, trying to nudge his tongue between Cas' lips. ]

[ he opens his mouth with speedy obedience. he had no interest in being taught twice, so he was careful in recording down this information in his mind, an apt student. he wasn't certain why there was tongue, but it didn't feel unnatural. ]

[ He's sure to do what he can to make it pleasurable for Cas, and he vaguely connects that it's the first time he's consciously cared for the other person's pleasure more than his own. It was strange, though he had to admit that kissing Cas was pleasurable enough in itself, if somewhat awkward and new. He massages Cas' tongue with his own before exploring his mouth, taking note of the feeling. ]

[ he reached forward to try and stabilize himself, because he is going into very new territory on bambi legs. in the end, he has a fistful of dean's shirt as he tries to take notes inside his head and try to figure out what to do with his tongue, which feels like a dead weight. but it's interesting, and it feels good, and he wouldn't mind more as he pushes his mouth closer, breathing even but hitching occasionally. ]

[ He brings his arms around Cas' back in order to pull him closer like he assumes Cas is trying to do. His arms caress Cas' back, noting not to touch his head, as he deepens the kiss. There's a part of him that worries he's overloading Cas with all of this but he was one to worry too much--he knew Cas would stop him if he didn't like it. He wasn't a baby all the time, after all. ]

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